the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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