you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
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Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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