How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
