WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Your dad touched me again.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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