I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
