every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
