laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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