i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
