Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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