I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
