i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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