look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
