He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
