...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
