my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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