Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
