i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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