how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
