if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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