Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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