Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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