i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
