uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
