tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Are we still banned from the library?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
