Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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