If i come over, it means nothing
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
