I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
