Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
