that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
