everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
