i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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