tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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