i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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