maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
