you would pick up someone in the library
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
