I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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