Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My pussy is not your playground.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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