my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
