my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
