i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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