eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
