What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize