we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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