i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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