he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
