I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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