Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
