Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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