just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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