ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
