I want to stick my p in your. b.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
