just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
