did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
