Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
