Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
