Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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