I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
