Do you still have your period?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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