Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
