you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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