The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
