i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
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well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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