i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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