if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
