Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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