Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
