I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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