you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
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