I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
