Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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