Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
