our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize