dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
