She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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