You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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